Inferno: Skyscraper Escape is a 2018 action thriller about about a disaster that hits when two teenagers are caught in a fire on the 20th floor of a skyscraper.
I’m honestly not entirely sure what the longest movie ever made is, though I think it’s some arthouse flick that runs more than 35 days, but having watched Eric Summer‘s latest Inferno: Skyscraper Escape, I can say with some authority I know what feels like the longest movie ever made. This independent French-made English-language disaster film, which is really only 90 minutes long, is a staggeringly bad movie, a Z-grade flop that does even the genre itself – one not exactly populated with the best in cinema – a disservice, failing to even conjure up some fun in the mayhem.
The plot is pretty simple. A new skyscraper, built by corrupt investment conglomerate shysters looking to cut some corners, is open for business, where up on the upper floors, the law offices are conducting some nasty business between Brianna (Claire Forlani) and Tom Bronson (Jamie Bamber), about to sign divorce papers. Meanwhile, a gas leak on the twentieth floor causes a massive explosion, sending the building into chaos and trapping Brianna and Tom’s children Ben (Isaac Rouse), a teenager, and younger sister Anne (Riley Jackson) in an elevator. With evacuations slow to arrive, and concerns more bombastic trouble is coming, it’s up to mom and dad to go after their kids. Can they save them in time?
I appreciate the limitations of most small budget films and the efforts filmmakers go through to get their visions on screen, and I have no doubt that Summer and screenwriters Regina Luvitt and Phillip J. Roth set out to make a solid bit of entertainment. However, even with that long slack on the line, Inferno: Skyscraper Escape (originally: Crystal Inferno) is a troubling mess, with bland, contrived action, uninspired direction, a poorly-written script, and astonishingly low quality acting. Take the setup for why Brianna and Tom are divorcing, he believing she is having an affair, based on a set of obvious and easy-to-explain pictures sent to his phone, perpetrated by the baddies looking to set her up. Literally the next scene is them heading to the law offices. What? Meanwhile, their kids, having far better sense I guess, see right through the rouse. It’s an eye-roller of epic proportions.
Then there’s Brianna’s heroic descent into the elevator shafts (spoiler?) that sets a new standard for … well … I’m not sure. Something. It’s definitely unique. You mostly watch though, asking yourself over and over, how did she end up in this movie? Even with that, she’s the best thing going, clearly leagues above the rest of the cast, some of whom have no business being in front of a camera.
Okay, so, the even worse news is that this doesn’t even have some potential for cheesy good times, something I’m sure some of you are holding out hope for. Taking itself far, far too seriously and laden with enormous gaps in logic, it’s completely joyless, with nothing but superficial characters and boilerplate plotting. Mix that with cheap CGI and loads of tired disaster clichés (including a last bit that is so worn out you can see through it) and you’ve got a film that is hopelessly unwatchable. Avoid this like it’s on fire.