Whether it’s a rom-com, a drama, or something in-between, romantic movies have been popular for decades and show no signs of slowing down. Everyone has their favorite, even if it’s from twenty years ago! Romantic films can leave us longing for more. Some make us wish we had the relationship portrayed on screen, while others break our hearts. But, many romantic movies have some glaring red flags that you might not notice right away.
Let’s be honest, The Notebook is touted as one of the most romantic films of all time, but it’s not the best portrayal of a healthy relationship. Even classics like Casablanca might make you swoon, but “we’ll always have Paris” isn’t exactly the key to a lasting relationship, either. That isn’t to say romantic movies shouldn’t be enjoyed and appreciated. But, they also require us to suspend reality a bit.
Thankfully, some movies don’t go over the top with things like jealousy, poor boundaries, or disrespect. Movies that portray real, healthy relationships might not always be as common, but they’re out there, and it’s important to bring them to light. Let’s look at a few and talk more about why Hollywood needs to ease up on the problematic relationship trope.
The Holiday
There is no shortage of holiday films out there, including romantic classics like:
- Love Actually
- White Christmas
- The Preacher’s Wife
- It’s a Wonderful Life
As heartwarming as these films might be, they don’t do a great job of portraying healthy relationships (don’t even get us started on Love Actually). One holiday film that breaks the mold is, appropriately titled, The Holiday. This 2006 film offers a unique approach to the classic rom-com, featuring two unlikely couples coming together in strange circumstances.
The characters played by Cameron Diaz and Jude Law show a very real portrayal of honesty and boundaries. Diaz’s character makes it clear right away that she’s not looking for a relationship. Law’s character admits early on that he’s a single father. That puts healthy boundaries in place for both of them as they become friends, and eventually fall for each other.
Jack Black and Kate Winslet’s characters do a great job of showing how important personal space is, too. Winslet’s character comes to America after experiencing heartbreak, and while she and Black aren’t immediate romantic interests, he supports and comforts her as a friend while giving her enough space to process things and heal. A common trope in romantic movies is crossing borders, showing jealousy, and even borderline stalking. This film might not portray relationships perfectly, but it does get a lot of things right.
When Harry Met Sally
It’s hard to think of any list of good romantic movies without including When Harry Met Sally. The entire focus of the film is whether men and women can just be friends. Throughout the movie, the two main characters show that, for the most part, they can. That doesn’t mean everything they do in the movie is healthy. But, they show a natural, slow growth into a relationship, including the struggles. Through the years, their relationship showcases:
- Honesty
- Openness
- Strong communication
- Vulnerability
- Good listening skills
Harry and Sally interact with such honesty that it’s a good indicator their relationship will last. Instead of a movie that portrays “instant love”, infatuation, and a “happily ever after” ending, this film shows the slow progression from friend to lover. That’s what a strong, long-term relationship looks like. The two characters know everything about each other by the time they finally get involved in a romantic relationship, and they know they want to be committed to each other for the rest of their lives.
Say Anything
Cameron Crowe’s classic 1980s film launched John Cusack into heartthrob territory as Lloyd Dobler, a recently-graduated teenager with no concrete plans for the future who is head-over-heels for one of the smartest, most driven girls in his class. On paper, the two are polar opposites. What’s so great about this film is that Cusack’s character remains unapologetically himself the entire time. He realizes they’re different, and simply doesn’t care. That kind of attitude seems to shock Ione Skye’s character at first, but she quickly falls for his uniqueness and honesty.
Everyone knows the “boom box moment” from this movie, and it’ll go down in cinema history as one of the greatest romantic scenes ever. But, the film also doesn’t back away from showing the struggles these two teens go through. Skye’s character is torn between her new love and her father’s wishes and guidance, and she’s figuring out who she truly is along the way. That’s something a lot of teen movies in Hollywood tend to overlook.
Even with the most realistic, healthy relationships portrayed on the big screen, Hollywood will almost always add some flair to the story. But, movies like these need to hit the big screen more often. They are relatable, honest, and can help people to understand that life isn’t always about the fairytale, whirlwind romance.